Walking through the shadows

 "Hey! Stop....stop!" He went on and on.

A few years back I met with a situation faced by almost every girl/woman these days. It is said: whatever happens in life is for a reason; learn from your mistakes and become the better version of yourself. Well the the bookish quotes work different in real life but change is mandatory and you are the one to make sure it's a positive one. So here is an incident in my life that changed me as a person.

My world was a fun place it still is but  I never knew what was beyond hobby classes, school, my society people and family. It was a weekday during summer holidays after 7th grade and dance gathering practice was in full swing. I got ready in my red kurta, leggings, a jacket and a black dupatta around my neck. So excited to learn the new choreographies, I locked my door, put the music on and was on my way to the class. It was my regular route for past 4-5 years. The shadows of the trees covered the entire path and the sunlight parched the roads through the branches.  It was peaceful, typical Punekars' afternoon. As I was walking, I heard a bike coming near and the very instinct was to move to the extreme left of the road. But it kept on following me so I turned back to see and it suddenly stopped. The guy parked the bike and walked after me. "Wait...wait!" He shouted. I kept walking and he kept following. Once I was at a distance he then took his bike and parked it right in front of me. I had barely started liking word problems and indian history -  just passing grade 7th. So unaware of what was going on, I stopped stunned as he kept staring and started saying the most bizzare things. "I have been following you for past few weeks from various places (terrace, regular routes) and I love you. Answer me!" He went on in marathi. I had never seen him ever before: A total stranger in his early twenties wearing a white shirt and a pair of skinny blue Jeans. Who was he? My heart was racing at the fastest rate possible. My hands started shivering. Something like this can happen? I was still petrified. There was no one around and I didn't know what to do as he kept on blabbering. Speechless at the moment, I walked back a few steps as he came near and near. "Please leave." I said out loudly as my eyes widened and my voice filled with rage. He then shamelessly followed for some more time on his bike saying "Wait let me drop you. Wait!" I kept walking as my feet got heavier each step. All I could see was my class building. He didn't leave and instead drove near me until I reached my destination. I didn't know what to do anymore. I saw my tai sat there quietly for two minutes still in disbelief. A thousand things going in my mind. She felt the tension and when asked about my heavy breath I told her everything. After getting back home I told my parents. My father then searched all the CCTV cameras around but nothing was ever found. 

The vivid picture is still in my mind and the rush is still infuriating. There are lakhs of stories even more devastating and a thousand incidents that are buried in silence. That day I could've done so much: shouted out loud, hit him, called police etc. But I was blank. Whistling, road teasing, acid attacks and so much more have become a dreadful truth of life. If you don't decide to raise your voice no one else will. Be confident and vigilant. Had I kept a watch on my surroundings everytime I went out, I would've known who's been driving the same route time and again. These people, educated or not, known or not fail to understand individuality and humanity. We can't expect people to learn this in days for, the billions are still living and believing in the patriarchal world full of dominance. We can't change anyone's perspective but we can sure defend ourselves: learn self defence, learn to say no to anything you are against of, stand up against injustice, be so independent that you don't have to depend on anyone else for your survival, make sure your reflex are fierce so that these people don't dare to do such a thing again , make your children aware of the dangers in the world and report any crime you see taking place. These days we hear so many sexual assault cases and the most common thing said is that the clothes of the victim led to the incident. Women sure can wear whatever they want provided they can carry the outfit well. The world was and still is a messed up place with enormous beauty and at the same time hideous darkness. So stay vigilant, stay safe and fight back for the shadows are throughout and you are the firelight enlightening the dark.

Punekar: people living in Pune are called as punekar. It is generally at the afternoon that the people here take nap. Whilst the shops are closed and there is barely anyone on the streets.

Being stereotypical.

 Disclaimer: The following is a very sensitive topic. It doesn’t mean to hurt anyone’s sentiments and is based on my opinions and observations and thus the categorization is entirely done by me. Kindly read the entire thing before stating your views.

So let me introduce you to the word I met a few years ago. I am sure you must have too but if not here’s it: STEREOTYPE

The 10 letter word has more than half the population of the world running after it. So, what are stereotypes?

Let me give you an example:

“I like ‘Math’ sir.” Raghav said.  

“So do I.” added Swara.

“That is a good thing Raghav but I am truly intrigued Swara!” said sir.

Well, Math is a subject which is all about logic and application. Men are usually said to be the ones being logical and women the ones being creative. The cool part is that: we get to decide what fascinates us the most. Ultimately, it is the will to dive deeper into the subject and fascination towards it that makes one like it. One can be logical and creative at the same time. As a result, saying men should like Math and be good in it and vice-a-versa for women is just an exaggeration of an opinion from the observations in the past.

This is what a stereotype is: A misconception or an exaggerated opinion from the past incidences/false observations that are passed along from one person to another.

So why are these stereotypes in a way humorous yet harmful? They have started affecting the minds of the people making them not give a second thought about the possible reason for it. They have made people think in a specific way. Let’s categorize them.

1)     The forefathers’ theories

·                     If a woman gets educated then the alphabets she has learnt will turn into worms and enter the husband’s plate.

I see no worms in my Dad’s plate! As we go back in the history, we all know- be it for man or a woman struggle and evolution is a huge process. But comparatively for woman it has been a walk on path of burning coal. They were deprived of education and even if they tried seeking it people came up with these kind of stereotypes. That was a time when there were child marriages and the girls being young and illiterate believed these stereotypes. The people thought that if a girl learns who will do all the household work and serve the family members? Now the things have changed a lot. Even our maid’s all the three girls have received primary and secondary education.

 

 Woman worshiping the gods during catamenia is a misdeed

Well! I have used a word that is disguised. But I found it important to tell. Why do we worship god? That’s because we think there is a creator and its god. We are alive because of him. He is the light in the darkness, the hope we get from and so it goes. All have their own reasons to worship god and it’s a person’s choice. There is no right or wrong in it. But when you consider the god as the ultimate creator then why would god want you to stay away from him for a week every month. Ask yourself: Are you the cause of catamenia? Can you cease it till it’s no more? And what’s that is dirty about it when you take care of all the sanitation? Try it once- being fearless, strong and carefree of these stereotypes you’ll feel a sense of inner happiness. In the previous times, there was no proper sanitation and hence women were kept in isolation but are there any such reasons now? No! Then why deprive them of the basic freedom to touch things and to worship?

 

 

2)     Definition of intelligence and a good human

·        The people with higher grades are meant to take science.

 My classmate got 95% in 10^TH and he took Arts stream and people kept saying, “Agh! Another boy wasting his intelligence by taking arts.” Unfortunately we categorize people on the basis of their marks. Let’s take the famous e.g of Albert Einstein he never scored a 99% but his talent took him where we see him now. If Zakir Hussein would have never followed his passion, talent, we won’t have known him today. Sounds so cliché! But the fact is people still haven’t understood this. Considering the job opportunities and other aspects they restrict their children. But little do they understand that if we work towards our goals, perfection, talents and passion, success is the ultimate outcome. And where there is success why worry about income. It follows us as we make way to the success.

 

·        A studious person doesn’t like dressing up, getting into the outside world (introvert) or shop

This is a funny one! Close your eyes and think about a studious person.90% of the time it is about a person wearing simplest possible clothes with spectacles on, talking just about scientific things and bag full of books lying beside. Well, this isn’t true. All have their own likings apart from studies. Some might like making craft, watching series, dressing up, cooking etc. As long as you aren’t wasting money on the unnecessary and doing these things for a specific amount of time makes you happy then why not? At the end of the day it’s the happiness that helps your mind work efficiently and makes you more productive.

·        The person going to the worship places (e.g temples) is very well cultured.

Why do people go to the temples? To worship god, to meditate, to get mental peace and happiness. As I said, everyone has their own reasons to go there. We are all humans yet all 7 billion people are unique in their own way. But I find it perplexing when it is expected from almost every individual to find happiness, mental peace by worshiping: Follow the stereotypes. If you want to be a good person be excellent in studies, worship god in every way possible. Not all are good in studies (getting excellent marks) but make an exceptional career when they follow their dreams. Worshiping is a choice not a mandatory thing that makes a person well cultured. Being spiritual and being devotional are two different phenomena and are every individual’s choices which cannot be forced on to them.

 

3)     So am I beautiful/ handsome?

·        A fair person is beautiful.

नरस्याभरणं रूपं रूपस्याभरणं गुणाः ।

गुणस्याभरणं ज्ञानं ज्ञानस्याभरणं क्षमा ॥

The above is an extract from Sanskrit literature that states that a human is beautiful in true sense when he/she has good nature, moreover knowledge and importantly has the quality of forgiveness. The literature is as old as a thousand years. Since then the people believed in the inner beauty then what made that change now? I still remember being bullied because of my brown, dusky skin colour. I genuinely felt bad at the time. But now that I surpassed that phase instead of feeling inferior to others, I feel pity for the people who discriminate on these (the racists) and that’s because they have an image formed, a sheet that is blindening them to see the true human colours and its beauty. Imagine a dog being extremely fluffy and pretty but if it bites you, you start running away from him in contrast to this when the dog saves you from a threat (e.g starts barking when seen a snake). You become alert and thankful to it. Does the way the dog looks matters here? No! It is the quality that makes the creature adorable. As a result, it depends on how you chose to see the world: as it is or what lies beneath it.

4)     My gender rocks! Does it?

·        Men shouldn’t cry and be strong always (crying makes them look weak); women are cry babies not being strong.

Is it? According to the recent data, death caused by suicide of men is far more than that of women. Why so? These stereotypes of men being strong prevent them from expressing themselves. Like every other expression crying is also important. It helps one to release the toxins and hormones that cause stress levels to rise. So there is nothing wrong in it. Just cry and get over with it. Think rationally and sort everything piece by piece. Rather than sticking to the problems being faced run towards the solutions. That’s it! It’s that easy.

So cry and express cause why not!  

Women have higher EQ (emotional quotient) than men. The reason being they let out their feelings take time to cry out their sorrow and then back to work! Talk-cry-sort things step by step (find solutions)/get over it and you are happy again!

I guess this states well that who is stronger: the one who expresses, moves on and gets over the hardships by working on it. So, are you?

·             Women are poor drivers

I am still thinking about who came up with this stereotype? 70% of the woman don’t even start driving without license. With a fear of being hurt, a helmet, seat belt are most of the time used. There is a difference between driving safe and driving fast. According to the experiments conducted across the world more rules are broken by men than women. Let us look at an example: since the ancient times, women have been cooking. It is now that the men have started taking interest in the same. Few have mastered the art but the vast amount of population (men) is still struggling with the basics. In the same way, women started driving just a few decades back. In fact, in some countries they haven’t even thought of driving a vehicle. At the end of the day it is a matter of practice. But we also can’t deny that the evolution has some impact on it.